Monday, July 20, 2009

Summertime Fun

Jason and I had the opportunity to head home, to Missouri, for a 3 week vacation. We truly miss family and love for Eliana to get to spend time with them. Although, it ended with a tragedy, we made some great memories and Eliana had more fun than she could handle!

Making ice cream with PaPa. I don't know how much help she was sitting right in front of the handle!

Eliana and Gma Hayes. We had such a great time at Houston, MO with Gma. I think Eliana collected a lot more bruises and scrapes to add to her collection. She even got her first band aid.

PaPa and Eliana. Eliana had PaPa running all over the place at Gma's. She wanted to explore everything and everywhere.

Being nosy. Eliana loves to be nosy and look out the window. Eliana and Gma Hayes were checking to see what Gma and PaPa were doing.

Eliana, Gma Judy and Jason. It was so nice to see Eliana warm up to everyone so quickly. Especially with as little time as she gets to spend with them.

Gma Melissa's house. She got to go swimming everyday! It was easier to just put her swimsuit on when we let her outside.

4th of July. We had a wonderful 4th of July grilling and chilling. Eliana loved the fireworks. She would point to my nephew, who was lighting them, and then point to the sky. That was his cue it was time to light another one. Then she would get the biggest smile on her face.

Fun with snaps! Eliana got introduced to snaps by my sister, Penny and niece, Joy. We tried to teach her to step on them. When she did on accident she would laugh. She was pretty good at throwing them down, too.

Eliana, her cousin Joy and a flower necklace. What kid doesn't prance around wearing a beautiful one of a kind weed necklace.

Juice boxes! Eliana got to have her first juice box at Gma Melissa's and I must say it turned into an addiction. She could down those puppies in less than a minute!

Eliana got to go to the zoo for the first time, in KC. She loved it! It was so fun to see her face light up at every animal. She was so stinkin' excited.

As for the loss of our baby. I ended up passing the baby after a lot of heavy pain and bleeding, the night before I flew home. We almost had to rush me to the ER. The baby came out whole and intact and in my hand. Jason and I decided that when the time came, we would want to bury it. We were able to do that at a family cemetary. My dad does all things well, with such care and precision and honor. He mad a small white box for it with the baby's name engraved on the top. Since we didn't know the sex of the baby, Jason and I decided on a boy and girl's name. We named the baby, Tristan Natia Smith, meaning "Full of sorrow with hope".

Monday, July 6, 2009

July 5, 2009

Yesterday evening Jason and I had to head to the ER. We were shopping with my parents and Eliana and I decided to go to the bathroom. There was bleeding. We headed to the ER, conveniently on the way home to my parents. I called my doctor. He said light to moderate was normal and I could wait for my appointment in a week. I would say moderate, but I don't think I could wait and not know. I got checked in quickly. They gave me an IV and a catheter. Oh, so painful. The hardest thing was not knowing what was going on with the baby. They finally took me back for the sonogram. I should be almost 11 weeks. She did an external and couldn't see anything. She did an internal. She saw the baby, but it measured the same as it did on our last sonogram, over 3 weeks ago. She couldn't get a heartbeat.

We went back to my room to wait for the doctor to release me. Jason went to get Eliana from my parents in the waiting room. She did wonderful, even though it was so late. She didn't fuss once. He brought her back and she smiled when she saw me. No matter how sad I was, that helped. She wanted me. He put her on the bed. She came right up to me and placed her head on my chest and patted me. How did she know that is exactly what I needed. She would lift her head, point to the iv and then back to my chest.

I have to go back Wednesday for blood work to confirm nothing is growing. I didn't sleep last night. I am so tired. I cry a lot. The hardest thing now is knowing that the baby is still in there, but is not alive. I still have my appointment next Monday. I will probably have to get a D&C since it has been so long and I haven't passed anything. I didn't bleed again after that small amount before the ER.

No matter how small, this was my baby and it is hard knowing that we won't get to meet him or her. As a parent you want to protect, but there wasn't anything I could do. We are traveling back at the end of the week. We were going to drive home on Thursday, for two days. Since we don't know what will happen with my bleeding, I am going to fly. Pray that either I will pass this pregnancy smoothly or that everything will hold off until I see the doctor.